A Cliched Teenager's Soliloquies

.... a maudlin fool?
.... a mess?
.... a wretch?
.... human?
.... lonely?

I think I'm all of these and more.
But, I never thought I'd be forgiving.

Emily and I are friends again.
That place that she used to fill is slowly being taken over by others, but I still feel loss. Now that she's back, there's still a dull throb that refuses to go away like a stubborn child that's just been grounded without supper. Though she's back, I feel something is missing. This something, I find now in Ms. L. This something, I lose whenever I think of what could've happened had the "Incident," as I call it, never happened.

I'm....

.... afraid?

Yes, I have a fear of losing someone who has changed my world so quickly that she remains calm and collected while I silently fall apart. She remains as a constant that I can't seem to let go.

.... a maudlin fool?
.... a mess?
.... a wretch?
.... human?
.... lonely?

Yes. Yes I am.

SNAPE... cause he's damn sexy. :)

SHE'S AMAZING ON CD.
EVEN MORE AMAZING IN CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~The Set List~

The Calculation
Eet
Folding Chair
Ode to Divorce
Riot Gear
Machine
Laughing With
One More Time With Feeling
Two Birds
Blue Lips
On the Radio
Dance Anthem of the 80’s
Silly Eye-Color Generalizations (a capella)
Bobbing for Apples (guitar)
That Time (guitar)
Apres Moi (solo piano)
Poor Little Rich Boy
Human of the Year
Man of a Thousand Faces

Encore

Samson (solo piano)
Us (piano & strings)
Fidelity (full band)
Love, You’re a Whore (strings & drums only)

~~~~~

Oh and look at what I found: http://64.182.13.230/zine/ReginaSpektor-SurvGuideSovKit.pdf

I'd give my math teacher 100 billion dollars. Cash.
My Reasons:

1. My math class and the other math classes give her hell (and she doesn't deserve that; she's an angel).

2. That's one dollar for each smile she's put on my face.

.... Since I've posted something. I've got much to write about, I suppose.

My mother lost her job because her employers lied to her. It wasn't her fault.

Emily and I are no longer friends. I let her make a choice: me or her new boyfriend that she had only met once. She chose him, of course.

But, it's okay. I've got better friends. Like Danna, Sara, Lior, Raffi, and Ms. L.

:/

After the whole Emily incident, I was pretty rotten to everyone around me. And I think I was downright horrible towards Ms. L the past two weeks. I was a wreck and she tried to calm me down. And yet, I was still an unconsolable, thoughtless bitch who took advantage. As usual. But, she was still an angel. Even when I tried to push her away. For all intents and purposes, I was going to freeze her out because I thought she would be better off without me. After all, the damned and the broken have no business being friends with angels.
But "the pain weighed out the pride" and I came crawling back the next day, begging for forgiveness.

Oy vey, I'm weak. But at least I've got her in my corner.

But anyway, I went to a spectacular, very intimate concert (that was held, nonetheless, in the MPR of my high school). Jakob Martin was amazing. No, not just amazing.... FUCKING FANTASTIC! :)

It was one of the best concerts I've ever been to. I just hope the Regina Spektor concert next week matches up (I highly doubt that it won't match up; after all, I absolutely love Regina). But, about Jakob: he was very down to earth. I got to shake his hand twice and he signed a cd for me.

Well, that's the summary of the past few weeks. I hope my invisible audience is amused

I bring a book or two: one that I want to read and most likely one that I'm being forced to read for English class. But I also bring my iPod for music, and a pen and paper to write poetry and books of my own.

... I could've stayed longer in Ms. Landa's classroom to chat, but I left earlier than expected.

Here's the summary of my day:

Emily and I have founded a "cult."

The Girl Scout meeting was very productive.

The assignment that Mrs. Lackland assigned my class confuses me.

Because the administration replaced 3rd block with 5th block for today, I've had Spanish two days in a row and will have it tomorrow, too. :P

I'm starting to understand my Origins of Human Violence class, but Mr. Levine's teaching methods are still dashed across the board.

Emily might go to Kehillah on Thursday.

I'm dreading going to Price on Friday.

I wish I could tell Ms. Landa all of this, but I'm afraid that it'll sound like I'm kaveching too much (as usual).

I usually have to go to school. And I like going it alone because I dislike being smothered.

... I didn't get to spend time with my favorite teacher today.
There was a fire drill.
We don't share any open blocks.
She was busy.
I was busy.
And, I don't know how I'm supposed to strike up a conversation after last week's meltdown.


".... Tired of rushing, racing, and running. I'm falling apart...."

Slow Me Down by Emmy Rossum

... was great. As always.

Anyway, here's an awesome video that I know you all will enjoy. 'Nuff said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CihCIWgQGA&NR=1&feature=fvwp